i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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