Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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