yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
