i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
