even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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