I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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