at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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