I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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