people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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