You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
