goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
