either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
