Having a random hookup so left but love u
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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