Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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