you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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