It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
