I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
