$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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