my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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