I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
