Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
