I want to walk on stilts...naked
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
