i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
