The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
