hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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