I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
