Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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