He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
