you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just cropdusted the office
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize