My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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