Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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