In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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