I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize