I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
