I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
