Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?