Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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