BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
