Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?