Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.