with your own penis?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma