I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
