When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
