these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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