Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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