is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
