oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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