Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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