Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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