If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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