I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
