Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
