Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
