Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
