I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
