I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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