It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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