Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
