im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
