she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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