I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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