ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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