ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
