i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
