i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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