I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
