i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
