man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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